In UK, at least, there’s a growing acceptance that people need time for their child-care responsibilities, but what about parent-care responsibilities?

The Yummy Mummy brigade are giving us great examples of women who juggle career and family (i.e. kids), but when it comes to care of elder family members, it seems to me there is still a veil of silence, or even embarrassment.  Yet caring for an elderly relative, especially a parent, can be draining – and expensive!  And it can impact on your career, particularly if the relative in question lives some distance away.

Time and again I hear of women (and so often the care responsibilities seem to fall on daughters, or daughters-in-law) who have made 6 hour round trips to deal with some crisis facing a parent with dementia.  My own mother spent 10 years trundling back and forth between UK and Brazil to support my grandparents – her parents-in-law.

From a career perspective, parent-care is potentially a real career killer.  It tends to come when we are in our late 40s or 50s.  The likelihood is that you have greater responsibilities at work. You have probably worked hard to get where you are, and are looking forward to the fruits of your labours.  The last thing you want is to be distracted by one or both of your parents becoming your children.  Most of the people I know want their parents to be independent and living in their own homes for as long as possible. They don’t want to put them in a home.  But sometimes that is the only option, and it can lead to feelings of guilt and shame.

One of the things that has supported me in dealing with my mother’s dementia (and current sojourn in a psychiatric unit) has been the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono – forgiveness. Forgiving my mother, in my heart, for the things she is saying to me, and forgiving myself for my reactions to her situation and the actions I have taken to keep her safe.

If you want to know more about the Hawaiian practices for dealing with the emotions that can come up when you face issues such as parental demetia, take a look at The Empowerment Partnership‘s website.  You can get a free MP3 download to start you on your way.