Ho'oponopono Archives - The Career Success Doctor

Most people feel bored, or at least feel a certain kind of sameness in their lives from time to time, but for many, that ‘I feel bored with life’ feeling is par for the course. It’s perpetual, it never seems to go away. It’s living life in the grey zone. Same stuff, different day syndrome (SSDD).

I’ve certainly experienced that in the past. I can think of three extended periods since I was 16 where I craved frequent excitement or just something different. And sometimes getting off my face with my mates seemed the only way to accomplish it. I stopped going down that route when I woke up one day and realised that getting mind-blowingly drunk or taking naughty drugs might be fine in the moment, but it left me even more miserable the following day, or even for an entire week.

It took me a few years to learn to appreciate the joy in small things. I’ve learned that my desire for rebellion and excitement is much better satisfied by doing something I’m passionate about, which matters to me and enables me to live my purpose, than it ever was by doing things which are illegal or being different for the sake of being different.

Does my career still throw up tasks which I’d rather not do because they are rather tedious, even boring or routine? Most certainly? Things to do with detail tend to have that effect on me, which is why proof-reading drives me nuts! (And apologies to all regular readers who spot the typos I have missed).

Do I miss the adrenalin rush that goes with the risk of taking drugs (that’s risk on a number of levels) or shopping beyond my means? Actually, no.

If I really need an adrenalin rush, then I can go zip lining/bungie jumping/horse riding, or just plunge into a rather cold swimming pool. I can do something that takes me way out of my comfort zone like phoning someone who I barely know and asking them to participate in an online conference I’m going to be running in the summer. (Believe me, that one has my adrenalin sky-rocketing!)

What To Do When Your Feel Bored And It’s Affecting Your Life

All those thoughts were prompted by yet another great article from Dr Matt James. Matt has this knack of hitting the spot with his articles, and this one on ‘Same Stuff Different Day’ is no exception. He explains the problem clearly and offers solutions, including

ho’oponopono (the Hawaiian forgiveness and release technique). I particularly recommend clicking on the link in the article to download his free ho’oponopono tracks. (Hot tip: you need to download both tracks – track 1 is the explanation, track 2 is the guided technique)
taking action
maintaining focus.

You can read the rest of Dr. Matt’s article, and get the link to his ho’oponopono track here.

In UK, at least, there’s a growing acceptance that people need time for their child-care responsibilities, but what about parent-care responsibilities?

The Yummy Mummy brigade are giving us great examples of women who juggle career and family (i.e. kids), but when it comes to care of elder family members, it seems to me there is still a veil of silence, or even embarrassment. Yet caring for an elderly relative, especially a parent, can be draining – and expensive! And it can impact on your career, particularly if the relative in question lives some distance away.

Time and again I hear of women (and so often the care responsibilities seem to fall on daughters, or daughters-in-law) who have made 6 hour round trips to deal with some crisis facing a parent with dementia. My own mother spent 10 years trundling back and forth between UK and Brazil to support my grandparents – her parents-in-law.

From a career perspective, parent-care is potentially a real career killer. It tends to come when we are in our late 40s or 50s. The likelihood is that you have greater responsibilities at work. You have probably worked hard to get where you are, and are looking forward to the fruits of your labours. The last thing you want is to be distracted by one or both of your parents becoming your children. Most of the people I know want their parents to be independent and living in their own homes for as long as possible. They don’t want to put them in a home. But sometimes that is the only option, and it can lead to feelings of guilt and shame.

One of the things that has supported me in dealing with my mother’s dementia (and current sojourn in a psychiatric unit) has been the Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono – forgiveness. Forgiving my mother, in my heart, for the things she is saying to me, and forgiving myself for my reactions to her situation and the actions I have taken to keep her safe.

If you want to know more about the Hawaiian practices for dealing with the emotions that can come up when you face issues such as parental demetia, take a look at The Empowerment Partnership‘s website. You can get a free MP3 download to start you on your way.